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Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science
What if everything you thought was wrong with your sex life was never broken to begin with? Emily Nagoski uses real science to show how female sexuality runs on its own logic — shaped by biology, context, and culture. Discover why desire, arousal, and pleasure work the way they do, and how to stop fighting your own nature.
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Who it is for
For anyone who has ever wondered if their body's sexual responses are normal, felt disconnected from desire, or struggled to reconcile what they feel with what they think they should feel.
About the Author
Emily Nagoski is an American sex educator with a Ph.D. in health behavior and a minor in human sexuality. She is the director of Wellness Education and lecturer at Smith College – where she teaches women’s sexuality. Her TED Talks on unwanted arrival and a lifelong sexual connection have been viewed more than one million times. In addition to “Come as You Are,” she has also co-written, with her twin sister, Amelia, “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle.”
View author profileLessons
- Understand how stress, culture, and body shame act as invisible brakes on your sexual desire.
- Discover why responsive desire — wanting that follows pleasure — is as healthy as spontaneous craving.
- Learn to separate genital response from true desire so you can trust your own voice and boundaries.
Key Takeaways
- Most sexual difficulties stem not from a lack of arousal, but from too many things activating the brain's inhibition system.
- Arousal nonconcordance means genital response and genuine desire are two separate signals — one does not speak for the other.
- Joy in sexuality comes from accepting what is actually true about your body, not from matching a fantasy version of how it should work.
More knowledge in less time
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