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Book cover of The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control by K.M. Schafler — critical summary review on 12min

The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

K.M. Schafler

8 mins

Are you a perfectionist? You probably hesitate to answer this question affirmatively. Why? It is because our society generally frowns upon perfectionism, believing it is a burden and flaw that needs to be fixed. In ‘’Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control,’’ psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler approaches perfectionism from an opposite perspective - treating it as a gift that can serve both an individual who possesses it and the world. So, get ready to learn how to get more of what you want by being who you really are.

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Who it is for

Best suited for those who regard themselves as perfectionists, therapists, and anyone who wants to change their perspective on perfectionism.

Key Insights

Reframing Perfectionism as a Strength

In 'The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control,' Katherine Morgan Schafler challenges the conventional view that perfectionism is inherently negative. Instead, she argues that it can be a powerful asset when understood and managed properly. By reframing perfectionism as a strength, individuals can harness their desire for excellence to fuel personal and professional growth. Schafler emphasizes that the key is not to eradicate perfectionism, but to channel it in ways that align with one's true self and values, transforming it from a potential pitfall into a driving force for success.

Embracing Authenticity to Achieve Goals

The book posits that authenticity is crucial for leveraging perfectionism effectively. Schafler suggests that when perfectionists align their actions and ambitions with their authentic selves, they are more likely to achieve their goals in a fulfilling manner. This involves understanding one's genuine motivations and desires, rather than conforming to external expectations or societal pressures. By embracing authenticity, perfectionists can create a more harmonious relationship with their inner drive for perfection, ultimately leading to greater satisfaction and achievement.

Balancing Control and Flexibility

A key insight from Schafler's work is the importance of balancing control with flexibility. While perfectionists often thrive on control, the book encourages them to learn how to let go in certain situations. This balance allows for adaptability and resilience, which are essential in navigating the complexities of life. Schafler provides strategies for recognizing when to maintain control and when to relinquish it, helping perfectionists avoid burnout and embrace new opportunities. This nuanced approach empowers individuals to use their perfectionist tendencies constructively, fostering both personal growth and well-being.

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About the Author

Katherine Morgan Schafler is a psychotherapist, writer and speaker, and former on-site therapist at Google. She graduated from and trained at UC Berkeley and Columbia University, and has post-graduate certification from the Association for Spirituality and Psychotherapy in NYC. ‘’The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control’’ is her first book.

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Lessons

  • What Parisian perfectionists are like
  • Why passive relaxation is important
  • Why Martha Stewart’s perfectionism is not criticized

Key Takeaways

  • Embrace Perfectionism: Rather than viewing perfectionism as a flaw, recognize it as a unique gift that can be harnessed for personal and professional growth. Use it to drive your ambitions and achieve your goals.
  • Leverage Authenticity: Understand that embracing your true self, including your perfectionist tendencies, can lead to more fulfilling and genuine experiences. Be true to who you are to get more of what you want.
  • Balance Control: Learn to let go of the need to control every outcome. By balancing your perfectionist nature with flexibility, you can reduce stress and increase your adaptability in various situations.

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